Writing+Notes-Detail+and+Style

Paint with participles, absolutes, appositives, and adjectives (irregular order):
The player dribbled to make the winning basket. Slicing and dicing, the player dribbled through the defense to make the winning basket.
 * Original Sentence**
 * Revised Sentence**
 * Added both a preposition to describe //where// he dribbled and a participle to show //how// he dribbled.

The surfer swam in the cold water. Lips trembling, knees knocking, the surfer braved the arctic water.
 * Original Sentence**
 * Revised Sentence**
 * Added two -ing verbs (absolutes) at the beginning to describe the surfer
 * Added a stronger verb than swam
 * Replaced "cold" with a stronger adjective ("arctic")

John surprisingly voted for the Republican candidate. John, a Democrat, surprisingly voted for the Republican candidate.
 * Original Sentence**
 * Revised Sentence**
 * By adding the appositive "a Democrat," this helps to explain //why// it was surprising that John voted for the candidate.

The sleek, exotic, red automobile was beautiful. The red automobile, sleek and exotic, was beautiful.
 * Original Sentence**
 * Revised Sentence**
 * Shifting the order of the adjectives helps to add variety to the sentence.

Sentence Branching
Original Sentence: I drove my car to the beach.

__After getting off work__, I drove my car to the beach. I drove my car, __radio blasting__, to the beach. I drove my car to the beach, __hoping to find a good parking spot.__
 * Front Branch**
 * Middle Branch**
 * End Branch**

from "Chapter 3: Beyond the Grecian Urn" in Kelly Gallagher's //Teaching Adolescent Writers//